the desire

If you're in my family, the Rahim Family, the one thing that is a must, is that you've got to graduate, and get a degree. There is this big cabinet in my opah's house, where on top of it, are pictures of her cucu's that have graduated. That cabinet is a hall of fame among us cousins. Ever since I could remember, I have always wanted my picture to sit up on that cabinet. From one cousin to the other, pictures of them have made less space for new pictures to be up there. Currently, there are three more due to be up there, which includes mine. Anyways, that's not the point of this entry.



I have this desire to study overseas. I have always had this desire, as I have watched my sister, my brother, and pretty much all my cousins have thier chance overseas. Its a desire pretty much impossible these days. I'll give u guys one guess whats keeping me from my desire. Since I was too dumb to realise the future during high school, now the only way to study overseas is if I pay for it myself. If i had done better during high school, or even at diploma stage even, it would have given me a spark of hope that I can study overseas.

People might say, why study overseas? you can get pretty much the same amount of academic education if u study locally. Yes, thats true. But I feel this is the only time i'll get to venture out and live on my own. I'm not saying I don't appreciate the fact that I have lived a pretty pampered life up till now, but to that reason my desire to live alone abroad is so much more stronger. I want tpo experience the part of a student studying overseas, where he sits down in his room, teary eyed thinking of home, and dreaming of a hot home cooked meal cooked by his beloved mother as he is a mama's boy. I want to be that student that doesn't eat dinner for the last week of the month, coz he overspent his monthly allowance. I want to be the student who is greeted so warmly by his family members when he comes back for holidays.

But then, as you can see, its all "I want".....when the real situation is what god has installed for us. Maktub, what will happen, will happen. I'm just gonna go with the flow. If it happens now, it happens now. It might be that if do not have the chance to go now, i'll get the chance to go in the future. All I can say is, my desire these days are strong.

-babblings of a simple soul-